When you realize having many randomly thoughts in mind, but have no words to describe, when someone tries asking you why and just have no ideas to arrange and impress what kind of feeling you have. Then when people just try comforting you without asking the reason, you feel dramatically lonely. These kinds of complicated feelings recently come and stay in me.
I guess the emptiness happened because I have no stick pal who stays around me and aware bout my situation. I miss a group or let's call it gangs who understand me only by seeing gesture, expression. The pal that I recently realized no longer exist around (/for) me anymore and I miss having at least one figure of them. No need to blame myself because I jumped out from my base or my normal zone areas to spread the love to other people around and start the new live with one Bonus come along with that which is no pal anymore. These are my decision, I decided to see the book deeper, not only just stay on the cover but started open every pages and hope can visit all the pages till the end. Maybe I'm not even in the middle of the pages yet, but I'm pretty happy for what HE already gave to me. Just try to spread the blessed till now anyway. Win some lose some... or gain some loss some Fair enough! New places, new people, new family, lose pal, lose real family, well, actually the meaning of lose only by the fictitious communication eye to eye with them. I have the fake one now.
Talking bout the real pal, finally I now found my pal, private pal in soul, people used to call it soulmate and I call it palmate. I don't need to give long explanation, one bear's hug is enough to calm me down. And we are opening the every pages of the book together, we already opened some pages before and we still open them till the end of the chapter.
Out of this kind of Palmate confession, I miss my gangs, miss the situation having conversation while eating as simple as instant noodle only, or some stupid unhealthy fatty afternoon snacks. Just me you us and simple conversation. I knew, and realized we are all grown up now, some married-some not(yet), some have at least one kid now-some not yet but please don't let them/ the situation change something between us. Of course the family will come to the top list now, but at least let's put us to our top important ten lists. Thanks for keep sharing something both crap and good one. Let's keep doing that guys :)
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